How To Get The Most Out Of Your Child’s Parent Teacher Conference
Before I was a Child & Family Specialist, I taught kindergarten for 5 years. So I know how daunting Parent Teacher Conferences can be, especially if you have reason to believe there may be some not-so-good remarks.
Of course, I had some parents who were very adamant about taking the lead regarding their child’s progress. Those parents came with a list of questions and concerns. They wanted to see work samples, and a breakdown of test scores. They asked for additional games and activities they could play at home. Those types of parents utilized every second of their 15 minute conference.
But I also had some parents who had no idea what to expect. They entered my room visibly nervous. They sat quietly, letting me lead. They absorbed information, nodded yes ma’am and no ma’am, and half-smiled when I offered a compliment regarding their child. They never asked questions. They never stopped me to clarify anything. If they didn’t understand, or they weren’t on the same page, I certainly never knew it.
And perhaps most concerning, I had some parents who didn’t think we were discussing anything important, so they just never showed.
Thankfully, no matter which type of parent you are, attending your child’s Parent Teacher Conference can be one of the most beneficial things you can do for your child all school year.
Here's a guide to help you understand what to expect, and some tips to help you get the most out of this year’s parent teacher conference.
What will my child’s teacher want to talk about at the conference?
Work - what your child is physically doing and producing in class
Data - test scores and usage information from educational apps, programs, and assessments given in the classroom
Glows & Grows - your child’s strengths and weaknesses in the classroom (your child’s teacher may have a different fancy name for this, but it all means the same thing)
Behavior - how they act and interact with others at school
Social / Emotional Development - how they communicate, problem solve, resolve conflict, etc.
Next Steps - where your child is headed / what’s next for them socially, emotionally, or academically
Goals - how your teacher plans to help your child achieve their next steps, and how you can help
Questions & Concerns - your chance to ask / bring up anything your child’s teacher didn’t answer (and feel free to but in before this if you don’t understand something!)
A standard parent teacher conference will go a little something like this.
Your child's teacher will begin with strengths of your child. Even if your child is a trouble-maker, a good teacher will find something positive to say that is still genuine and authentic. (It could be how smart they are, how kind they are, or how they're a really good friend, etc.)
The teacher will share some of your child's work. She will explain what that works shows in terms of academic development.
She will walk you through your child's data, and explain how that determines the instruction your child will receive for the rest of the year.
The teacher will speak to your child's behavior and social emotional development. If they have strong social emotional skills, she might have already done this in #1. If your child needs improvement in this area, she will likely mention it here, after she's walked you through the strengths of your child.
Your child's teacher will then explain the next skill your child needs to be working on to grow even further. If the child is present, she might ask them to set a goal for their next skill.
The teacher will then address what she is doing in class to help your child with that skill, and will share some things you can do at home to help your child with that skill.
The teacher will likely end the parent teacher conference by asking if you have any questions for her.
What can I do to prepare for my child’s Parent Teacher Conference?
Schedule your parent teacher conference early and be on time!!! Your teacher's schedule is jam-packed and she only has 15-20 minutes for each conference, so if you are 15 minutes late, you will miss it altogether. Even if you’re only 5 minutes late, you won’t get as much out of your conference as someone who showed up on time.
If you forget, or don’t make it for whatever reason, the teacher will likely ask you to reschedule. If she recommends rescheduling, I would recommend you do so at your next available time.
Come with a list of questions you have. It could range from questions about the school, her teaching style, your child's skills, what time lunch is at, anything. Don’t just ask something random for the sake of asking, but if you’re curious, be brave enough to ask! You deserve to know what’s going on in your child’s school life, so nothing is off limits. I even had a parent ask me once if I would ever have children of my own after having her child in class! Ha!
Come prepared to internalize a lot of information. Your child’s teacher has about 15-20 minutes to update you on your child’s strengths, weaknesses, behavior, social growth, emotional growth, academic growth, data, and test scores. If your child is younger (preschool - Kindergarten), I recommend taking the Strengths & Weaknesses Checklist with you to help you visualize what your child has mastered, and what they are still working on. If your kids are a little older (first grade and up), I recommend printing and taking the Parent Teacher Conference Form to record information, data points, and goals. If your child’s teacher doesn’t mention something to fill every slot on the checklist or form, ask her about it!!
Come with a list of things you have already tried at home. Share what’s going on at home with your child’s teacher. If homework is a struggle and your child ends up in tears once a week, she needs to know about that, and she needs to know what seems to be causing it. Tell her about any issues you’ve heard your child discuss when you pick them up from school, and talk the teacher through what you’ve already done for those issues so you can move forward and create a plan together. I would also mention any behavior and academic resources you’ve already used at home so that she can provide newer, better, or more targeted resources that might be more beneficial to your child than what you’re currently using.
Please bring up any stress or trauma that's happening at home. Children absolutely carry their home life to school. In fact, it impacts nearly everything they do. So if you’re going through something like divorce, death in the family, incarceration, etc., your child’s teacher needs to be aware. You don't have to share every last detail, but being open and honest about these things with your child’s teacher will allow her to help and support your children while they are in her care. She also has access to school counselors, social workers, and other resources that might even be able to provide support for the whole family!
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I bring my child to the Parent Teacher Conference? I recommend reaching out to your child’s teacher for her preference. I always encouraged parents to bring their children to conferences because I believe children should have a voice in creating their plan. I want them in the middle of the conversation; hearing their strengths and setting their goals for what comes next. It’s essentially the kid-version of a quarterly review. But if the teacher has something sensitive or difficult to discuss with you, she might feel it feel best that the children aren’t in the room. So be sure to check in with her to see what she suggests.
My work schedule doesn’t permit me to attend my child’s conference. What do I do? If you are able, I would recommend requesting a phone / virtual meeting. If you can’t leave work to commute an hour to the school for a 30 minute meeting and then commute all the way back, but you can take a 15 minute break in your car during the afternoon, specifically request times that you can break and ask if you can meet via phone, zoom, etc.
If you are not able to attend in any capacity on Parent Teacher Conference day, reach out to your child’s teacher. Tell them how much you wish you could make it, but that you still want to meet. Ask if they would be available another day, or perhaps before / after school, to meet with you.
I panicked / forgot to ask something at the conference. Have I missed my shot? Not at all. This is why I always recommend asking teachers for their preferred method of communication. If you ask nothing else at your child’s conference, verify that you have the preferred method of contact for your child’s teacher. Some prefer an email, some prefer messaging through some sort of school app, etc. Then, when you’re laying in bed at 10:30 pm and you remember something you forgot to ask, you can reach out to them about it and they will respond as soon as they can.
Some things to keep in mind:
You and your child's teacher are on the same team. You both want what's best for your child, and you are both crucial people to paving the way to that success. When the teacher mentions something your child is struggling with, it is nothing personal. It doesn’t mean they are a bad kid, and it does not mean you are a bad parent! It just means she has noticed some things that are holding your child back, and she needs your help to make sure they stay on track.
If you can't come in-person for whatever reason, schedule a phone / virtual meeting. Schools have better technology than ever thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic. Attending by phone or virtual call is always better than not showing up at all. And if you can’t make it on the designated parent teacher conference day, ask your child’s teacher if she would be willing to meet with you one day before or after school instead.
If the teacher is going too fast and slinging out words you don't understand, ask her to slow down and clarify. Similar to doctors and nurses, teachers get so stressed and so busy, and all of our co-workers understand our jargon. So we often forget that other adults don't use our same vocabulary. We don’t think you’re stupid, we just genuinely forget that we use words and systems that other people don’t, so it's more than acceptable to ask your child’s teacher to stop and explain anything you don't understand.
You can keep checking in after the parent teacher conference. Conferences don’t have to be the one time of year you speak with your child's teacher. Ask her what her preferred method of communication is and come to her with any questions, concerns, or funny stories regarding your kid throughout the year. It will make your relationship with her so much stronger, which will make both of you feel comfortable when speaking about your child.
Remember, a parent teacher conference is not meant to be intimidating for anyone.
It's a time for everyone to get on the same page so that your child gets the most out of school.
So don't be afraid! Come prepared, listen close, and ask questions. Your child (and their teacher!) will thank you for it.
