How To Create A Bedtime Wind-Down Routine
Children thrive on predictability, and bedtime is no different. Without a consistent bedtime routine, is is unlikely that kids will be physically or mentally prepared for sleep. And since sleep is one of the top determining factors in how well our children will learn and grow, setting them up for success is crucial.
In this post, we outline the 5 essential elements of a bedtime routine, and how you can use them to create a wind-down strategy that will benefit your kids each night.
5 Essential Elements of A Bedtime Routine
#1. Time
An evening bedtime routine should last between 30-60 minutes; 15 minutes at the absolute minimum.
Since the primary goal of the bedtime routine is to de-stimulate, or “wind down” your child’s brain and energy, we can’t expect to “flip a switch” in our kids so they’re instantly prepared for bed. Instead, we have to let this happen gradually, through a series of carefully curated activities in order for it to work.
Keep in mind that a standard bedtime for a child under the age of 10 is between 7:00 - 8:00 pm (8:30 pm at the absolute latest), so we recommend padding some time before bed to successfully complete the bedtime routine in its entirety.
#2. A De-Stimulating Environment
Remember, the goal of a bedtime routine is to “wind down,” so it is important to create an environment that lends itself to low stimuli. This helps prepare your child’s body for sleep. You can do this by:
Dimming the lights in your child’s room (closing windows, using lamps, night lights, etc.)
Using calming music or a white noise machine.
Changing into comfy PJs, a sleep sack, or a swaddle.
Cuddling with a soft blanket, or holding a lovey (if they are old enough).
Turning the temperature to 68 - 72 degrees Fahrenheit.
We recommend utilizing any and all of these conditions simultaneously for an optimal wind-down environment.
#3. De-Stimulating Activities
Similar to the need for a low-stimulus environment, low-stimulus activities are needed during this time as well. This helps prepare your child’s brain for sleep. A few examples of de-stimulating, before-bed activities include, but are not limited to:
Nursing or Drinking
Sucking Thumb or a Pacifier (if young enough)
Rocking or Bouncing
Listening to Calming Music
Singing or Humming a Lullabye
Reading a Book
Quietly Praying or Talking About The Day
We recommend selecting 3-5 (or more!) of these activities to fit into your 30-60 minute routine.
#4. Quality Time
Between the wind-down environments and activities listed above, it’s difficult to create a space where quality time is not a primary focus… However, know that quality time is essential for your child before bed.
Crying at night is a biological survival tactic that your child has. It dates back to when we were a society of hunter-gatherers; when a child left alone in the middle of the night would prove to be a tasty snack for nocturnal predators.
Though most parents in the U.S. now live in a modernized Western culture where bears eating our children is not a primary concern, our baby’s instincts haven’t quite caught up yet. They will need frequent and consistent comfort, connection, and reassurance from us to know that they are safe, loved, and provided for.
When we create a bedtime routine that is focused on the wind-down and quality time between child and parent, we are speaking to both needs: the need for de-stimulation and the need for connection.
Because of this, we recommend choosing at least 3 de-stimulating activities that focus on quality time and/or interaction from the list above, such as reading, singing, cuddling, nursing, praying, or talking.
#5. Sleep Associations
Sleep associations are different from sleep conditions.
Sleep conditions are the things in your child’s environment that make the area conducive to sleep. You’ll find a list of our favorite sleep conditions in the second section of this post, A De-Stimulating Environment.
Sleep associations, on the other hand, are any items or activities your child connects to the physical act of sleeping. They are NOT items or activities used to prepare your child for sleep as we mentioned in the De-Stimulating Activities section, but are instead meant to assist your child in physically falling asleep. This is why sleep associations are the final component of a wind-down routine.
The end goal of a bedtime routine is, well… bed. So your child needs things to associate with sleep.
While some of these items may be the same as the de-stimulating activities mentioned in section 3, it is important to note that some will be absent from the list. For example, a child can both prepare for bed and actively fall asleep while nursing, but it is unlikely that they will do so while talking about their day.
In short, the de-stimulating activities listed in section 3 help prepare your child for bed, while the sleep associations in this section help them to physically fall asleep. Common sleep associations include, but are not limited to:
Rocking or Swaying
Nursing
Sucking Thumb or a Pacifier (if young enough)
White Noise
Lullabies
Loveys or other Transitional Objects (if old enough)
We recommend choosing sleep associations your child can recreate on their own, so they do not need your assistance if they re-awaken throughout the night.
For example, if your child uses a pacifier as a sleep association, but they cannot reinsert it on their own, they will cry mid-night for you to come reinsert it before they can fall back asleep.
In contrast, if your child uses white noise as a sleep association, but the white noise is still going when they wake in the middle of the night, they’ll be able to put themselves back to sleep without waking you.
